That is not how it went down. But this page is devoted to the mother victims. Any stories that anyone wants to donate would be gratefully received. Why Do Antiheroes Appeal to People With Dark Traits? Maybe encourage her to talk about the fear she is feeling and ask her why she is feeling that way or making those assumptions. Too often custody cases get bogged down in whether the problem is real rather than focusing on how to resolve the alienation and help heal parent child relationships. You are an inspiration x. I want to know where is the answer to fathers who alienate daughters mothers and purposely, mentally, psychologically drive their mothers out of the daughters life. Read More: Reasons to Deny Custody 1. The very person who she worried was "turning me against her" was the one who saved my relationship with her! Patriarchy affects how custody battles are eventually ruled – and not because the court is particularly in favor of women. I do work with many mothers who have been alienated. You put "MY" grandchildren at risk by doing so and their mother is not happy about it, at all. My grandchildren. I hope your well and look forward to a response soon. It is as if my abusive ex-husband is inside my daughter. I just am so lost and am looking any advice what so ever to do since you have been a child in the situation.all I want and dream about is seeing my daughter and raising her. I’m just saying this for the daughter who is mad at her mother that there needs to be more compassion for all women out there who risk losing ANY access to a child and understanding for why women do freak out, act dysfunctionally (borderline or entitled) and who do tend to be more at risk of being alienators of fathers. Barbara Kay: Rare justice sees mother punished for using children as weapons against Dad. After over 14 years, it is unlikely that reunification will ever happen. I am very careful about keeping information libel-free so it has felt so good to write about what I've been through! Often my daughter will say odd things to my partner and me which indicate she is being primed and copying her mother. I have looked up justice for fathers and then looked for the same for moms. We must help each other cope with ourselves and seeing our precious children abused. Divorced parents who "brainwash" their children against ex-partners are guilty of “abuse”, the head of the agency that looks after youngsters' interests in family courts has said. My mother is a narsisist (sp?) Open mobile menu ... the courts are biased against fathers, rarely lose their kids this way. Many adults poison their spouses mind against his or her family too and alienate them and their children from their family groups. In my conversations with targeted mothers a common theme is that they perceive other people as thinking that they must have done something wrong for their child to reject them. I love my mom, but I have distanced myself for my own mental health these days. Today's family court system is bogged down with parents who cannot even hold a job or stay sober long enough to care for their children. My partner and I never say a bad word to her about her mum but I can assure you I could have with the amount of vitriolic hatred her mother has for me. If you were unmarried at the child’s birth, but have established paternity, you can seek custody rights to your child. The courts are fantastic at outlining visitation schedules and child support payments but they draw the line at regulating these amorphous parenting concepts. I even changed my name legally because of the internet bashing my daughters constantly do! But the source of the bias is not in the courts – it’s in the marriage. Not worth sacrificing the rest of your life over ungrateful betraying kids! I should also mention that my husband's ex is now best friends with my ex - and she has alienated my husband's son from him. I just keep texting him because I'm just not gonna give up unless he changes his number or something. You know in USA nobody forces you to pick a partner. Tell her you don’t like her accusing your father in that way and that you want to work on your relationship with her. The child, as in any process of alienation against the father, identifies with the custodial parent, that is the mother, under whose control he/she lives. Please e-mail me if your book is not yet finished. The truth is usually there. Yes, your right. First, I am so sorry for what you have been through. It's hard to see Dad give the children more then Mom could ever afford. Now, that i changed my name and disconnected, i still have never gained back my health. Yes, mom might feel a little crazy, but its not really normal for a child to abandon their mother simply over that. Ladies, come and join the MAMA Alliance by LIKING, posting and commenting on the page. I actually think there needs to be research into whether normal loss of access to children causes women to experience PTSD or other symptoms. My ex divorced me while I was going through a life altering illness. Helen X. I'm actively looking for support myself, so this might help me to find it. Today is Mother's Day". I sent cards to my daughter and only child. Any ideas you may have in that regard would be hugely appreciated! I try to respond to people who comment on my blog when they write about their personal PA story. Many stay silent for this reason, to avoid being blamed and shamed. Get in touch soon ladies and take care. Second, I do offer telephone coaching for targeted parents. This is because his father seems to be running/moving addresses again... this has been created by his own behaviours of avoidance and his own untruths. Feel free to reach out to me via my website if you want more information about parental alienation. Can Parental Alienation Occur Beyond Parents and Kids? The i instead if the o in many places. What makes a woman think she can use her children as a weapon to hurt their father? Now they bond over their mutual hatred of us, I am sure speaking unkindly about us. Thus, women seeking support and guidance from these groups may be given the message that they are mistaken and/or must stay silent. My brother even put a shot gun in his mouth and killed himself over this crap. My son also acknowledged that dad never bad talks mom. I have been alienated from my children and haven't seen them for 8 years now. My daughter is 19 now, I know she can think very well for herself, but she always chooses her dad over me. There should be laws against bullies whom use manipulative tactics to hurt and punish others for self centered reasons. You are probably a mother alienating her child(ren) from their father and trying to justify it ! The father may communicate with the mother, document the violation and attempt to resolve it without court intervention. I gave him a time limit of a month. The truth is, this dad did a lot with my child. My Mom, however, would always complain about my Dad. Have you met her or her mom or dad? I was nice to them because I had to be and never called his dad names or say anything negative about him, except one time my son who was around 8 said his dad told him he had a dream he was sweating blood. I have recently been sent solicitors letters trying to wipe me clean financially. I agree, it can be a spouse alienating their spouse from the rest of the family - it happened with my brother. I'm a writer and would be interested in sharing some of my story with you if you're still writing your book - mothers need to know about this. (albeit whiners who are the sole reason that lawyers can floss their BMW's across town). Just Cats! I have had several people expose the truth about her campaign to destroy my son's vision of dad. But only want my daughter with me so I may see her. I was an unmarried single working mother with a good professional career which enabled me to support my daughter and an au-pair. Such lies.i was the only one who financially supported them while i was regularly beaten and all. MATERNAL ALIENATION is the specific alienation against the mothers, not that this doesn't happen to fathers. My children have grown up and have mental health issues, they do not want to remember the good things as the response is always negative with replies ’Dad said you would say that’ or вЂ�dad said you would throw that in our faces’. So I wrote a wee poem in the cards; "By the calender, These cards will arive late. But Alice, so trusting that she just needs to explain herself 'just right' and never once did it cross her mind that the Queen was just toying with her. If people are honest, women aren’t really good at sharing their kids (and I’m not trying to put women down here, its just common sense) and they do have natural protective mommy instincts that kind of make them concerned that dad might not know how to do this or do that, or to take the best care, again, especially, if prior the father didn’t really do any of those things. Ah, sweet. Are you seething with resentment at the father of your children? Miss my kids n grandkids! It's a child! Then, you instantly cut off the children from their father at the very minute the order is issued. Once the children are in their teens she may lose them and have little else in life. How forcefully did your father fight to remove access between you and your mother or did this happen? I always tell my daughter I am here for you, but now that there is no more patenting plan he can do anything he wants to influence her. The doctor provided a letter to the mother's solicitor which said "I have interviewed Billy and Sally at 2:10 pm in my surgery. Embarrassed he was caught cheating- and lying- he ended the marriage and has been angry at me ever since (and his lover hates me even more than he does). Of Children & Families Dirty Tricks, (Un)Fair Hearings to Challenge Allegations of Abuse Or Neglect, What You MUST know about Probate and Family Court, Resentful, Greedy, Manipulative Mother's Guide to Destroying Your Children and Their Father (Satire), Angry, Controlling, Stingy Father's Guide to Destroying Your Children and Their Mother (Satire). I never got why do women pick guys like that. As long as the father was doing well in his life and was able to take care of my son, he had every chance to see him. I love her so much and have been a very lost parent since 2015 in August. If by moving away the mother is attempting to distance the child from his or her father, the father can then file a motion to enforce his custody and visitation rights. In situations where a mother stops a father from seeing his child, it is important for both parties to know their legal rights for it to be resolved in the best way possible for the child. I didn't tell my sons about the abuse, because I didn't what them to think I was alienating them from their father. You have earned your place, deal with it, stop lying about us and let it all go. That really made me angry and I said firmly and with all authority that his father should not tell him things like that. Somehow it all turns back to me beating myself up so much, I forget what actually happened. I though this to be generous as he was not paying any rent. Or simply look at who is living easier with no debts. Yesterday was my birthday. 5. To an easily influenced child/person, this could be a convert way of doing this while still looking like the good (guy). Just would be sad if it is merely she is having a hard time coping, knowing how close you are to the father, and is being abandoned simply for that. Did you ask him about his job. So sad. Second, I do offer telephone coaching for targeted parents. Then this article is for you. First, I am so sorry for what you have been through. Not saying fathers not seeing kids is fair (nor do I support his and I get angry with women who I see want to alienated the fathers and take all their money for child support). What we are really talking about her is trying to have regulations and policy around parenting. All I can say is well done and thank god you came out good and your dad stood by you. While no one has data about the exact gender break down, I can say that without a doubt some mothers do and have been victimized in this way. Then, because I was in graduate school for psychology, I used the resources in their library to become educated about what it was and what I could do about it - I even devoted a semester's project to it. Their poor dads! My ex's latest tactic was to tell my sons college that he has now gained full legal custody over him. After discussing this with him, it was agreed that he would move out and find alternative accommodation. Severe Parental Alienation: A Mental Health Emergency, Parental Alienation and the Bystander Effect, Recent Advances in Understanding Parental Alienation, It's Complicated: The Many Moods of Mother's Day. Now I know better, this was and is, a psychological health issue. Or is it a situation where both have shared custody and the mother is alienating the father. Or is she just not coping with shared custody and is paranoid or jealous of losing your love to the father? I think this is happening to me and my daughter who lives with her mother. But the 'if only' thinking strategy only leads me down the rabbit hole. Some of these alienating parents are hateful, spiteful, vengeful people who inflict tremendous pain and suffering on others. You being the one who has belittled her own children because they didn't meet her standards of physical beauty. Thank you Amy for all the work you've done in this field. Thank you for the time in reading this. ... My niece is 16 now and has been through a world of hurt because of her mother. So much more nightmare stories i could tell. I had to disconnect completely. You can find out more about that on my website www.amyjlbaker.com. They have good lives but seem to continously make the wrong decisions and when the results of those decisions are bad, they blame the mother for what they believe she did, or didn’t do to them when they were growing up. While it is quite easy for our society to believe in the concept of brainwashing as it pertains to abductors or zealot dictators, it is quite another thing for those in our culture to admit that parents brainwash their own children. I just want to say I support you mothers who are alienated from your children. Oh and can you advise me on the books that you have written - I would love to read them. If this is child abuse by him, how do I fight it? What kind of psychopath backs up a woman who bad mouths the other parent to a CHILD to lessen their stress? Take care Helen, Hi, Helen - Where is the answer? Now they don't talk to me? Unfortunately this was not to be the case. I have an uphill struggle as my daughter is only 3 but I swear I'll never give up on her, stand by her side forever and hopefully she will come good like you. Then you go pick another one? There is so much your mother and father have left out of the story. The cards will arrive late because the lady who looks after "In honour of ..." cards was on vacation. She couldn't let the past go and kept repeating stories of how he hurt her. A week later I had just arrived back from work to find my daughter who was then was only 2 years and 9months old distressed. I genuinely thought that he loved us so much, that he poured his heart out to her and was crying because he did not want to leave us. I did exactly the same I did also study psychology and looked at my life through the eyes of existential counselling and psychology. I am an alienated mother who did not know what PA was until my therapist told me. How children are impacted depends on their age, the kind of control and manipulation they experience, the strength of bond they have with their father, mother and siblings and the degree to which their father undermines those bonds. There are some very disturbed people outside doors. He would never talk bad about her. Divorcing parents who poison children against their former partner could lose custody 'The demonising of a parent, usually by the one with whom the child lives, has … One last thing - I have written 2 books on my divorce and got sued for libel- which he dropped when he realized he didn't have a case. When we see an ex doing something we feel is damaging to a child we need to be able to take a step back and put thought into what striking out at an ex will do to that child. You will find support and info there, hope to see you there. I try to respond to people who comment on my blog when they write about their personal PA story. his mother and him harassed me when i choose to keep the baby that i ended in the hospital due to high stress and almost missed carried. Perhaps you should ask her why she can't hold her tongue. For years, I was overcome with shame and humiliation, really believing that if I had only been "good" enough my boys wouldn't hate me so. You Go, Girlfriend. I'm a mother of two adult sons, one 30 & one 34 with 4 grandkids , witch I have been alienated from, call get know answer or return phone call. And yes i am bitter... wish i never had kids. It is the father and mother who must stand united; not the child and parent. O father is a receiving crossed addict....or dry drunk! This may be one of the primary reasons that it is so difficult (if not impossible) for us to get others involved in our cases. It presents a fool proof plan where any woman can use the Family Court, restraining orders, the Department of children and Families, and all of their easily duped people to get your way. Or, if she is just hyper-emotional and scared of losing her child and just not coping well. I had to quit caring because i became so ill over my girl's betrayal and hatred fir me that i almost died. If the father and mother agree to the name change, the court will usually hold a hearing to confirm that the child wants his name changed, and the name change will be approved. There are other ways to deal with the situation than doing the black and white siding with one parent over the other which is kind of typical of alienation situations and is likely why people are doubting your story. Access to children causes women to experience PTSD or other problems and I’ve seen women. Me claiming domestic violence hatred fir me that i changed my name and disconnected i! 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